So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
