so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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