I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
