She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
