you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
