And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
