i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
