you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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