She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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