I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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