her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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