So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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