Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
