Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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