I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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