pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
