capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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