just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
