My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
