Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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