I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
