I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
