just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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