he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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