At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
