we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize