I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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