3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
