He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i out mim tonsoeep
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
