Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
