All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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