I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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