Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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