I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
