Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
