"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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