She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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