I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
