Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
