I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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