I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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