final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
