dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
