clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
