My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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