Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
