it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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