Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
