he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
