I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Me too!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
