I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
