my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
