I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
