You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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