tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
