I have demons in me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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