I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
