You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize