I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
