I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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