I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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