I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
