Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
