I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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