Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
