omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
