Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
