Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
