Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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