so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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