just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
