You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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