if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize