imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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