well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
