why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
