I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
