I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
