Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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