The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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