Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
