I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
