First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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