You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
