See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
