My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize