I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I believe in your delicious
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
