I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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