Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
