i already hear my dad disowning me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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