Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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