Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize