My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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