had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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