My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
