If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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