Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he fucked my hip out of place.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
