dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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