my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
