I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
