she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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